Letter from My Kidney

   Dear Author,

   Hey girl, it’s me! Your kidney! I know you didn’t forget about me. I don’t know what you’ve been doing, but you need to get it together. My old home, the one you call Grandma? She gave me up to keep you alive. Now, you need to return the favor. I. HAVE. GOALS. NOW. I want to be the longest living kidney ever! Just imagine it! I would be historical, immortal even. I will be the most amazing kidney in the world. For me to accomplish my goals, you need to get your life together. I like you; I love you. But I’ll kill if you mess this up for me. Sit down, let’s talk.

   Grandma, as you call her, is a perfect specimen. She’s athletic and healthy. You saw those batons twirling competition trophies. She literally helped pioneer America’s Youth on Parade. You? Let me make this clear: Popcorn is not a food group, and I’m tired of filtering out your mistakes. Eating an entire bag of Reese’s in one day and binging on Starbucks “coffee” does not fix the problem the way you think it does. 

   I did not just volunteer to be put into the fountain of youth to just sit here and listen to you clack away on your keyboard and take too many pictures of your dogs and makeup. Where’s the hiking? Bike riding? The thrill of rollercoasters? What about traveling? Oh, I miss traveling. Long car rides to beautiful lighthouses with the shops and the cute little figurines. Bliss!

   WE need to get out like that! Do that stuff. We need to see… things! Not only will it make me- I mean we- live longer, we’ll have fun. Don’t you want to have fun? I want to have fun! Let’s be active and have fun. Grandma did a headstand in the living room at sixty. You couldn’t do a head stand when you were six. Let’s get a move on! You’ll thank me for it… eventually.

   Don’t get me wrong, you’re great too. There are so many funny jokes and stories between us. Remember when you joked about you being too young to drink alcohol, but I’m not? So funny. The story about how the doctors used a shoehorn to get me to fit into your little body, iconic. Then there’s the story you tell strangers, how we’ve already spent twenty-eight years together. It’s beautiful. I hear you tearing up over it now. I love you; I love I get to live again in another life, with you. This isn’t personal, this is my existence we’re talking about.

   Just remember that eating healthy, exercising, and taking care of you is the only way I will reach my ambitions of becoming immortal. Just ask Merrylin, your grandma. She will tell you she put too much love into me for you to mess this up. Make us both proud.

   Love you,

   You’re Immortal Organ